I have a desire to suddenly pack my bag and leave Singapore. I want to leave everything behind and start a new life. Press the reset button. I think it is pointless to follow the norm: Study, Work, Family, Die. I think I should instead: Help, Help, Help, Die. Life is so monotonous now..

Ever since I watched the "How big is the Universe" video on youtube, I have been trying to find out what is my purpose in this vast universe. I am so insignificant! or rather, we are all so insignificant! I really admire people like Stephen Hawking who uses their knowledge to bring us closer to understand the origin of the universe and what is out there in the universe. The things he talked about is really very deep s(cience)hit.

..I will put my focus on work for now. Work from now till 3rd week of Dec. 4th Week to Korea for a gig and then back to SG to continue my FYP(i!).

It has been eons since I last wrote something.

I am going to keep this simple.

I am closing this blog.

Well..at least until I feel like writing!

Bye!

wee hours

not pee for an hour but still staying up at this hour.

I have a quiz tomorrow and I am only 25% confident.

It makes me wonder whether I am still doing what I like..when I ask myself what I really want to do, the first thing that came into my mind is photography followed by teaching and business.

Then I look at the stuff that I am studying..sigh.

What should I do? should I follow my dreams? should I give up my 2 years of effort (not really a lot of effort though) one more year to graduation..should I endure and pursue what I really want after that? will I still have the fire to follow my dreams after that? or should I say whether I DARE to follow my dreams after that.

I really don't know.

Depressing.

Umbrella!

So funny, i think i have listen to it for more then 10 times over and over again liao la~hahaah..

2 x EXP

I had 2 very good experiences today.

First.

A long time ago, I volunteered to be 'Calefare' for a Mediacorp filming in NUS, FoE. The people were filming a show about the Singapore Airlines and the scene was on them at a career fair. There was Rui En, Elvin Ng and another guy that I can't remember the name~

Anyway, it was a afternoon filled with the following phrases from the cameraman and director.

Director, "Rolling!"
Cameraman, "Roll!"
Director, "Action!"
Director, "Cut!"

It was a very interesting experience to see how filming is done. It might seems so simple on TV but the amount of time and effort put in by the crew and artists are way beyond what you see on TV.

台上三分钟，台下十年功。

I use to think that they plant many cameras on the set so that they could get the '"Change Angle" type of scene..but the truth is that there is only one camera. The cameraman have to change the camera like every 10 minutes and the artist have to say the same lines over and over again. And it is not like the scene is flowing naturally, the director can skip the scene forward and backward; this then make me realise that being a actor or actress is really not easy. Beside having to memorise the scripts, he or she have to be ready to go back and fro according to the needs of the director.

It is kind of frustrating when they have to keep on repeating a scene(NG) but everyone seems to be sooooooo patient and encourage the actors and actresses that they can do it. I guess by doing that, it makes them more relax and therefore able to perform better.

I always imagine filming as a scene of directors flaring up at every mistake the actors or actresses make, all the 'tsk, tsk, tsk' flying, or the artistes behaving like some big shot, got those foldable chair with their name, then got the makeup artist rushing up to them whenever the director shout cut~but to my disappointment there was none! they are just like normal people, no star treatment..they carry their own stuff, do their own makeup, sit on the bench that we study on, drink normal mineral water from some ulu brand.

and yeah, I said "Hi" and shaked hands with Elvin Ng in the toilet. hohoho. Anyway, they are really profressional and through this calafare deput, it gaves me another viewpoint of the entertaiment industry.

Kudus to all actors and actresses.

Next up was the meeting at Scout HQ.

It was the Venture Cord Hike briefing. It was a normal meeting till I met this venture scout from ACS. He was telling me that he got difficulties in getting a companion for his hike. BTW, they only need 1 companion, 14 years and above, 1st aid qualified. We need to find 2

He told me that all the sec 3s and 2s in his unit have gotten their Advance Scout Standard and First Class Scout Standard therefore it is very hard for him to find a companion. I was like, 'Huh?' that should make it even easier right?

He explained to me that the juniors only go as companion to gain merit (to pass their Advance Scout Standard test) and since all (i think) have gotten it, he find it very hard to find a companion.

It was a shock for me to hear that from him. I have never hear anything as absurb as like that in my scouting experience so far. So, I paused, and think of how to answer him. I start to wonder whether it is a common thing to happen in their kind of environment where merits is all that they are after.

Well, I told him that then it will be a test of your relationship with your fellow juniors. Will they be able to put all those merit and test taking aside and walk along side with you for this important journey in your life. It is like a report book which is going to show how you have maintained your relationship with your juniors and who are those willing to be there for you when you needed help the most.

He just kept quiet. I told him to go home and start asking.

I start to appreciate those people who have walked along side with me during my journey of CCA and PSA. With no merits and awards, they stood by me.

Random

I think for this year, I have accomplished quite a bit for myself; gotten my Class 3 and 2B, a bike, went for my first half and full marathon, earning a bit of money through giving tuition.

It did not go very well for the academic side, which I am still regretting at this point in time. I just can't find the motivation to go all out for it. Well..I am now putting it down on my To Do List, not on the blog but on my postit board. I have got this phobia of sharing now.

I have learned to be more humble and 'low' on my life, so as not to invite unnecessary and hurtful comments from especially people whom we might trust and have faith in. My world just crushed around me when I heard something like that the last time. I went blank and emotionless for the next 3 days. Never in my life, would I ever thought that this could happen to me. I thought that by treating everyone good, I would be treated with respect and not 'bad-mouth' at. The worst part is when it came from someone whom you really trust and respect.

I got this fear whenever I recall the incident. Fear of him, fear of people whom I have trust in. I still try to keep the faith in people and especially my good pals. It is in my nature to trust people and in turn, giving people the trust that they need to have in me. I trust people a lot and especially to the people who are close to me. This is also the reason why I was so affected.

I try not to put the blame on that person, instead I look upon myself. But still, it makes me wonder whether it is still right to dream about somethings, sharing the dream with everyone else but only to be make fun at, laughed at when you fail to accomplish your dream.

I will still continue to have dreams and goals, but, sharing it? neh. I rather keep it to myself now.

The fear still lingers in me.

Singapore Marathon 2008

The marathon was a failure. I never expect myself to finish with such a lousy timing. but then, I am really glad that I have XP with me (again!) =) He stayed by my side throughout just to ensure that I complete the race in one piece.

By the 21km mark, the time was 2hr 15mins and the cramp kicked in. I tried to jog slowly but every step was a agony. I stopped to stretch my legs; when I stretch my left, my right start to cramp, I felt very lost, very useless. I started to walk for the rest of the 21km. Even as I walk, every step was an agony.

"Agony likes company", said XP. I will always remember that :)

2 races and he's always there for me.

He never make fun of me when I failed to complete with a good time, he encourage me and give me good advices. I seems to have trained a lot (not enough though) and I should theoretically complete with a good time. I know lots of people will be saying thing, but a brother like him never will. He has protected my fragile ego.

What is a brother? A brother is like XP.

It then makes me ponder about the brothers I call in Scouting. Can the brothers we call in scouting be called "brothers"? I dare not when XP is around =)

Updates

It has been looooooooooong since I last updated.

By right, I should not be updating now because there is one more paper tomorrow but the 放工feeling come already. That is why I travelled to school to prevent myself from slacking..at least I don't have XJ's PSP to distract me =p

The boys just came back from NPC and I am very happy with the results. Silver Standard for all of them. ZSS event managed to clinch the best Backwoodsman Cooking! This has generated a very good feeling among those who were present and I am sure that this feeling is here to stay.

The triple silver has rejunvinated the depleting scouting spirit among us and now, we are more then ready to push ahead to break more boundaries and overcome all obstacles.

Next year, there will be our 45th Anniversary Campfire and then the National Pioneering Competition, I have a good feeling of how 2009 will turn out now..

The Mighty Fox Scout Group.